By Terry Hannum

Contributing Writer

Mothers, mothers-to-be, stepmothers, those with natural motherly instincts, foster mothers, home-away-from-home mothers and grandmothers all deserve to put their feet up on Sunday. Mother’s Day honors women as life-givers, caregivers, teachers and protectors.

The day gives pause to recognize those who answer to names such as mom, mama, madre, mommy, ma, mother and many other derivations. This day, like Father’s Day, lets us all take a break from all the debate and controversy surrounding holidays that have any religious or racial ties. Since there is a gender equivalent counterpart in the Father’s Day tribute, it cannot even be sexually biased.

Linda Holscher of Hobart holds son Joel, 2, as some of her other children, left to right, Caleb, 7, Klara, 15, Rebecca, 12, Ben, 17, and Ruth 10, stand by the family’s van at a friend’s home in Gilboa. Her other children Elizabeth, 21, and Katherine, 20, are away at college.

Even the "age" argument is left behind with celebrating Mother’s Day.

Surely all the variations of what being a mother is and the lifetime membership status achieved once being designated "a mother" leaves even the age fact out of the title and holiday.

How old is too old to become a mother?

Biologically speaking, it would be at the cessation of ovulation and the beginning of menopause, but science is capable of tweaking even these natural stages.

Then there are other avenues of motherhood that include stepparenting, foster parents, designated primary caregivers and adoptions that leave biology out of the picture.

In the U.S., statistics put the average age of a women entering into the realm of motherhood by pregnancy at 23. Adoption-age mothers are a bit older at 31 on average. Those census numbers bring parenting magazines, baby stores, books and classes all to focus on these average ages as their target audience.

But the growing number of women who continue adding to their family or start a family in their 40s can sometimes be left out from the information, marketing and attention of the public.

Motherhood in a woman’s 40s is a not-uncommon decision for a growing number of women.

The emotional, economical, physical and relationship situations of many women in their 40s may make it the ideal time to start a family.

Health issues are a predominant concern, as biologically it is more difficult to become pregnant at 40, and there are more risks involved for the mother and the child. Along with the medical health risks are also more research, more information and specially trained people to make it less risky than 20 or more years ago.

The following five women all had much to say about age and motherhood, all being in, or shortly approaching, their 40s.

Many women of this century look toward school and an education first with the natural flow into a career next. During all of this, meeting with a life partner often comes into the pathway and parenthood starts a juggling act of responsibilities.

The district superintendent of Otsego Northern Catskills BOCES, Marie Wiles, has her first child on the way and said she realizes that life will soon be changing dramatically.

Though choosing career over motherhood may be a conscious decision for some women, Wiles said that it had been all about meeting "Mr. Right" that determined when her first child would be on the way.

Wiles said that if she had met and married her husband in her 20s, it probably would have meant a child in her 20s.

"Good things come to those who wait," Wiles said regarding her husband and their baby on the way.

Juggling a career and child-rearing will be another challenge that she will adapt to after taking the summer off from work, knowing that life will change, she said.

Chronologically older first-time mothers, like Wiles, have matured into adulthood and experienced the demands of a career before energetically taking on the experience and challenge of parenting.

Eloise Harris-Damone of Andes observed that protectiveness and patience are more a part of older mom’s wisdom. Motherhood in your late 30 and into your 40s brings more of life’s wisdom to the table (the changing table, highchair table and Lego table, to name a few!), although the energy levels of a 30-year-old and a 40-year-old can be so different.

Harris-Damone pointed out that the medical literature and the straight biological facts can paint a very frightening picture of pregnancy and childbirth in the 40s age bracket. The amount of information given during genetic counseling can leave a woman wondering how any children are born healthy, she said.

"The medical professionals can scare you into submitting to testing and beliefs that you would have never given in to previously," she said.

Apprehension and a feeling of vulnerability can alter a person’s decision-making process and the pregnancy screening begins an emotional rollercoaster. Harris-Damone, like many women in their late 30s, found herself in a stable life situation to consider parenthood, but realized that fertility levels made the possibility more difficult. But now she is the mother of Montana.

Harris-Damone’s sister Margaretville resident Mary Lou Harris is 45 years old and the mother of Miles, who is now 4.

"I adore being a mother now; I am not so sure I would have been the best mother when I was younger," she said.

As an older mother, she said that she can stop the schedule and routine "in order to experience one of the most exquisite periods in a human’s life that is offered to us."

She said she is not so sure she would have felt that way as a younger mother. Harris, like many women, was far too busy with the excitement of life in the 1980s and ’90s to consider becoming a mother, she said.

After the age of 39, the need for her husband, Jim, and her to start considering the decision presented itself. She said that it was then a conscious decision not to wait. Harris took an opportunity to begin a master’s program when Miles was 1, and she now has a degree in early childhood special education. Her example of continuing education while parenting a young child continues, as she will receive a second master’s degree this fall.

Becoming a mother does not mean that a career or education stops. Harris added that for mothers of any age, if they feel their baby is not developing properly in any area, speech, physical or cognitive, do not hesitate to call Early Intervention for an evaluation. Do not be afraid to admit that you do not know what to do and to ask for help with parenting.

"Miles is the love of my life!" Harris said. "He has reset my life’s compass in the healthiest and happiest direction. Had I had him younger, I might have felt very differently!"

Another Harris sister, Jayne Anne Harris of Delhi, is the mother of Quinn Kelley.

She agreed that the energy level of a woman becoming a mother in her 40s is not like the energy of a 20-year-old. Her pregnancy was not an easy one, she said, but there is no way to tell if the difficulties would have been present at 20 years old as well.

Unlike many women in their 40s who become pregnant with a clear intention of this goal, Harris said she had not been planning to become a biological mother. Her second marriage came complete with two children from her husband’s first marriage, so motherhood was somewhat automatically in place.

Her discovery that she was pregnant was a fantastic surprise, she said. Quinn was a large baby and that made carrying her during and after pregnancy a strain that would tax a woman of any age, she said.

Harris said she happily changed her life completely to step into the role of birth mother to an infant. She speculated that older mothers may be more aware and sensitive to the larger issues of parenting than someone younger, though there are exceptions. She and her husband now enjoy scuba lessons and diving as a family, last-minute school projects, dance recitals, play practice and looking deeper into the wonders and questions of life that come with raising a child, she said.

Linda Holscher of South Kortright is the mother of eight children. All of her children were delivered by a midwife, and all are bright, healthy and home-schooled. Holscher, herself looks more like a woman in her 30s much more so than someone who is well into her 40s. She and her husband had their first child when she was 26, and their latest addition when she was 46.

Holscher’s wealth of experience is the best possible comparative example of how motherhood, as a whole and for an individual, has changed in 20 years.

Personally, she said, she notices that mothering in her 40s means less energy, a few more aches and pains, but that’s about all. In her situation of having older children, there is a lot more help and interaction going on in the house for the baby and herself. The number of children, more so than the individual baby, at 40-plus can be "mentally stretching" because there is attention, concern and care for all the children as opposed to just one child.

Holscher said that in her 20-plus years of motherhood, the only changes in the parenting process is whether a baby should be laid on its back, side or stomach, but all the other trends and fads of how to raise a child are just that, trends and fads.

Loving your children while teaching and caring for them, she said, is the method of motherhood that always stays in fashion.