Why do I do that?

It is as if I'm saying, "Oh thank you, sir, for not running me down like a dog in the street and leaving yourself open to criminal prosecution for vehicular homicide."

(Of course, dogs in the street should under no circumstances be run down, but I couldn't resist the simile.)

And yet, again and again, there I am, smiling, walking and waving.

After giving the matter considerably more thought than it deserves, I've come to the conclusion that by cravenly smiling and waving, I am subconsciously passing along to an indifferent driver what used to be referred to as "good vibes."

If the term was not actually introduced by The Beach Boys, it was at least popularized by the Brian Wilson/Mike Love 1966 tune, "Good Vibrations."

I'm pickin' up good vibrations

She's giving me excitations

I'm pickin' up good vibrations

(Oom bop bop good vibrations )

Kinda gets you right here, doesn't it, particularly the "oom bop bop" part?

Recently, a number of TV commercials have popped up in which good vibes are shown being passed along from one person to another by such noble deeds as helping someone pick up fallen groceries or straightening a stranger's tie.

Never mind that in real life, that kind of thing is likely as not to get the do-gooder a face full of Mace.

Passing along "good vibes" is really just an extension of what used to be referred to as "common courtesy," except courtesy seems to be anything but common these days.

I know this to be true because whenever I get a telephone message and return it, I almost always hear the same response.

"Thank you SO much for calling me back," I am told with a mixture of astonishment and admiration.

I returned a lousy phone call, hardly deserving of a Nobel Prize. But apparently most folks don't call you back anymore, and that's not even counting people who owe you money.

I get a lot of calls at the newspaper, and I return every one or ask the appropriate Daily Star staffer to do so. With e-mails, it's not quite the same thing. In most cases, there's less urgency to write back right away.

As far as I know, Emily Post never weighed in on Internet manners, but I think common sense should be our guide when it comes to common courtesy.

If the e-mail is urgent, return it immediately. Anything else, you can claim that your server was down or that you just didn't check your e-mail during the whole month of February.

I believe most people are capable of exhibiting extraordinarily good manners ... as long as there's something in it for them. Pretending not to notice when your boss burps, for instance.

For another, take a high school guy on his first date with a girl.

He's going to pick her up at her place, be appropriately polite to her mother, call her father "sir," and make it a point to stand when she enters the room.

Fast-forward several years to the now-married couple, and she's fortunate if he stands up to fetch his own beer.

When they dated, he always opened the car door for her. Now, when he's in the house watching football as she stumbles in carrying bags of groceries, he shows his chivalry by advising her that she should have made two trips in from the car.

Of course, it works both ways. When they were dating, she would listen to tales of his athletic exploits with rapt attention, even though most of the time she had little idea what he was talking about.

But now, let the poor man try to tell the woman he loves how he hooked that 5-iron shot around a tree right onto the green, and he will discover he is standing in a room all by himself.

Courtesy ... good manners ... good vibes, they're really all the same thing — and let's face it — a heavy load to carry in these frenetic times.

What we need are courtesy scapegoats, people we can be downright rude to without any guilt so we can be extra-courteous to everyone else.

A few candidates for scapegoat-hood:

• The guy who cuts you off on the highway and then shoots you an obscene gesture.

• Anyone who rings your doorbell and wants to persuade you that his religion is better than yours.

• Anyone who has ever appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show."

• The telemarketer who calls your house when your child is taking his first step, or for that matter, when you're having dinner.

• Anyone your spouse used to date.

• Anyone who sells millions of records writing lyrics like "oom bop bop good vibrations."

Meanwhile, if you see me walking in front of your car, you can still expect a smile and a wave ... but my heart won't be in it.

Sam Pollak is editor of The Daily Star. He can be reached as spollak@thedailystar.com or at (607) 432-1000, Ext. 208.