After all, what with the flood of news media demanding interviews after the debates, a lot of advocates are needed in the "Spin Room" to give the president’s side of how well things went for the Republican side.

It doesn’t take much imagination to envision what auditions for "Spin Room" participants must have been like for Bush’s political guru, Karl Rove, between the first and second debates. That’s another way of saying, I’m making all of this up, no matter how plausible it may appear.

KARL ROVE: "All right, bring in the first applicant. (A distinguished-looking middle-aged man sits down behind a table.) Hello. If a member of the media were to ask you how you would describe the first debate between our beloved president and Sen. Kerry, what would you say?"

1ST APPLICANT: "Truthfully?"

KARL ROVE: "Of course."

1ST APPLICANT: "Well, I thought Sen. Kerry was terrific. He really knew his stuff. He looked confident, knowledgeable, presidential and really controlled the tone of the whole debate."

KARL ROVE: "And the president?"

1ST APPLICANT: "I don’t know what was the matter with him. He seemed to have about 20 minutes of material memorized, but the debate lasted 90 minutes. He kept saying everything was hard work, and looking at his notes on the podium like I used to look at the ceiling during a math test hoping to find an answer that wasn’t there."

KARL ROVE: "Thanks. Don’t call us. We’ll call you. Send in the second applicant."

SECOND APPLICANT (A young woman, responding to the same question from Rove) : "Eeeyew! Wasn’t Mr. Bush ghastly? He looked like he got mad every time his judgment was questioned by Sen. Kerry."

KARL ROVE: "Why would you think that, young lady?"

SECOND APPLICANT: "Well, it might be that the people around him could be afraid to tell him he isn’t perfect. Remember when he had that press conference last winter and couldn’t remember a single mistake he made? That was ridiculous. So, when Mr. Kerry was criticizing the president, he looked like he wanted to have Mr. Kerry taken out and shot.

KARL ROVE: "Thank you. We’ll call you if we need you. Next!"

THIRD APPLICANT: "Hello."

KARL ROVE: "Hello yourself, young man. Just answer this question. How did the president look in the first debate against John Kerry?"

THIRD APPLICANT: "Like he wanted to be anywhere else but up on that podium."

KARL ROVE: "Next!"

FOURTH APPLICANT: "Hello, has the job been filled yet?"

KARL ROVE: "Not yet. What do you think of the president?"

FOURTH APPLICANT: "I think he must be hungry."

KARL ROVE: "Why do you think the president ishungry?"

FOURTH APPLICANT: "Because John Kerry ate his lunch at the debate."

KARL ROVE: "Get this guy out of here. Isn’t there anybody who could give our side of the debates to the media? There’s got to be somebody who can look sincere and lie as well as one of O.J. Simpson’s lawyers when asked who won the debate."

FIFTH APPLICANT: "Here I am."

KARL ROVE: "Who in blazes are you?"

FIFTH APPLICANT: "Does it really matter? Go ahead, ask me a question."

KARL ROVE (sighing): "All right, here you go. Who won the first debate between George W. Bush and John Kerry?

FIFTH APPLICANT: "Why, the president, of course."

KARL ROVE: "Huh?"

FIFTH APPLICANT: "It wasn’t even close. The president was masterful, stressing the importance of his sage and wise leadership in an uncertain world."

KARL ROVE (getting interested): "But what about when Kerry nailed the president on the whole ’Saddam Hussein wasn’t involved in the 9/11 attacks’ thing?"

FIFTH APPLICANT: "Ridiculous. The president showed tremendous leadership after 9/11, and if he says Saddam was up to no good, that should be good enough reason to go into Iraq and kick him out of there."

KARL ROVE (trembling with excitement now): "But what about how the president looked, with all that scowling and slumping and frowning?"

FIFTH APPLICANT: "I didn’t see any of that. I saw a man working hard for America. Maybe he was a little tired, but that’s because he’s a caring, wonderful person who strives mightily every day to keep Americans safe."

KARL ROVE: "I love this man! You’re hired. How come I never heard of you before? What’s your name?"

FIFTH APPLICANT: "My name is Mohammed Saeed Sahhaf, and I’m surprised you never heard of me. I was Saddam’s Information Minister before you invaded. It was me who told the media with my Ministry of Information building literally on fire in the background that we had ’the infidels’ on the run, and that the Iraqis were winning the war. And I did it with a straight face."

KARL ROVE: "You mean ..."

FIFTH APPLICANT: "Right, I’m ’Baghdad Bob," the biggest liar in the history of public relations."

KARL ROVE: "Bob, welcome to the George W. Bush Spin Room team."

Sam Pollak is editor of The Daily Star. He can be reached at spollak@thedailystar.com or at (607) 432-

1000, ext. 208.