Probably not, considering I just made them up.

All during the year I find myself squirreling away real news items that deserve some sort of award, but until this very minute, I didn’t know what.

The solution is this inaugural year-end edition of the Sammys, which I have modestly named after myself because no one else would have anything to do with them.

May I have the envelopes, please?

The "Make Love AND War" Sammy goes to:

The Pentagon.

Declassified documents published in New Scientist magazine in January revealed that our military geniuses seriously had a plan in 1994 to develop an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other.

I am not making this up.

The proposal said that the resulting homosexual behavior would have a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" effect on morale.

The "What Could They Have Been Thinking?" Sammy goes to:

Kraft Foods, Inc.

You’ve got to wonder what the boardroom discussion was like when the folks at Kraft decided to come out with fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy.

Yup, candy shaped like partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels with tire tracks on their bodies.

Here kiddies, eat some road kill.

New Jersey’s Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals threatened petitions, boycotts and letter campaigns, and Kraft agreed to stop selling road kill candy.

"We understand how this product could be misinterpreted," said a company statement, "and we respect that point of view."

Actually, I don’t think the product was misinterpreted at all.

The "I’m OK, You’re OK, Osama bin Laden’s OK" Sammy goes to:

The Boston Globe.

The newspaper’s ombudsman, Christine Chinlund, wrote that the publication isn’t sure the Palestinian group Hamas, known mostly for blowing up innocent civilians, is a terrorist group.

Chinlund wrote: "... To label any group in the Middle East as terrorist is to take sides, or at least appear to, and that is not acceptable. ... One person’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter; it’s not for journalists to judge."

Oh, I don’t know. If a civilian bus blows up, strewing the body parts of men, women and children all over downtown Jerusalem, I think calling it terrorism is a pretty safe bet.

The "Inherit The Wind" Sammy goes to:

Some IMAX Theater Owners in the South

A seemingly innocuous movie called "Volcanoes of the Deep Sea" was not shown in several IMAX theaters in Southern cities because the film makes a connection between human DNA and microbes inside undersea volcanoes.

"Many people here believe in creationism," said the director of a theater in Charleston, S.C., "not evolution."

A number of IMAX movie houses in Texas, Georgia and the Carolinas also decided not to show the film, apparently figuring that when it comes to science, what folks don’t know can’t hurt them.

The "Gee Boss, Sorry I’m Late, But Don’t You Want Me To Be Happy?" Sammy goes to:

The National Bureau of Economic Research.

The Cox News Service reported that a paper submitted to the organization by two economists said that increasing sex frequency from once a month to at least once a week provides as much happiness as a $50,000-a-year raise.

"Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study" also found that a single person would have to earn an extra $100,000 to be as happy as someone in a monogamous straight or gay relationship.

The "If I Can Have An Assault Weapon, Why Can’t I Have A Nuclear Weapon?" Sammy goes to:

The National Rifle Association.

The NRA pulled its lucrative 2007 national convention out of Columbus, Ohio, after the city outlawed the sale or possession of semiautomatic rifles with pistol grips and detachable magazines.

It was wonderful to see a city stand up to the NRA bullies even though the convention was expected to generate $15 million to $20 million for local businesses.

So far, there have been no reports of the Russians invading Columbus despite the paucity of assault weapons among its populace.

The "There’s Something Rotten In Denmark" Sammy goes to:

Two Criminal Masterminds.

These two guys, 18 and 20, broke into a summer cabin not too far from Copenhagen. As they tried to make their getaway, a passerby who witnessed the burglary took their car keys and refused to give them back.

Sooooooo....

The burglars called the police.

"The two young men called us and said they needed our help getting their keys back," Chief Superintendent Asger Larsen said.

The police happily arrested the fellows for breaking and entering.

Sam Pollak is editor of The Daily Star. He can be reached at spollak@thedailystar.com or at (607) 432-1000, Ext. 208.